Does love truly exist among human relationships or are we just all authors of our own love story written from our perceptions and comfort zone? How do you know that you’ve loved, been loved or is loved? What is your reference point of love? What’s your unit of measurement? Who have you acquired your knowledge of love from? Do you know what love really means; how to recognize it or how to express it?
I read a post one day that said “ sex has become so easy to get that love has become hard to find. “Falling in love” is a famous phrase most of us has used. But this is implying that love will happen to us suddenly and unintentionally. ‘Falling’ is often an involuntary act which ends with feeling pain. Love requires work and doesn’t happen by default or haphazardly. Love must be intentional.
They say (more like I’ve heard) it’s a thin line between love and hate. I strongly disagree with such statement. That statement is not truthful. Love and hate are never partners. They are opposite twins of each other. True, mature, God exemplified love can never hate. One cannot sincerely love another human being and then overnight hate them to the point of killing them. The reason why the song says that it’s a thin line between love and hate is because we govern our responses to others under the influence of our emotions. We interact and relate with people we care about reactively. So it’s more of an agreement to “love” as long as things go the way we want them to. As long as you hold up your end of the agreement, bargain or contract we will remain in love. Like a contract written stating the clauses for breaches it’s how we decide to be with someone. It’s not longer said for better of for worse…rather its now for better or better.
The word Love is misused, misinterpreted and loosely said so often it has lost its effect. People say they love a sport, a particular food, a excited well directed movie and so forth. But love has different types dimensions and categories. In the Greek Language love is broken down with different words; namely – stergo, philio, Eros and Agape. Stergo is love for family, philio is friendship love, Eros – erotic love and Agape means unconditional love. Most often a guy tells girl he loves her, he really means Eros. Agape love is the embodiment and truest expression of what love really is. This love is sacrificial, selfless, compassionate, always forgiving. It is the ideal level of love as expressed in 1 Corinthians 13.
Extract: Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails……1 Corinthians 13:4-8 NIV
Most of us have never experienced this love because we are all humanly flawed and imperfect, prone to, wired, and programmed to make mistakes. Hence why these contractual arrangements stipulated in many relationships are not working. For the contract in and of itself is confined and very limited. It can never hold all the possible outcomes that can happen. There is no line between love and hate; a wide chasm is what exists. As a matter of fact when love exist, hate cannot be present in any shape or form. It’s like light and dark. Once you turn the light on, darkness automatically disappears. Love is not a switch though. You don’t switch your love on and off as easily as you do your light bulb. Love is more like a plant that takes root in our hearts and these roots occupy all areas of our lives. Love must be sincere, authentic and pure in order to be consider true. Love has nothing to do with manipulation, domination nor abuse in any shape or form. Love has no ulterior motives. Love is not game of baseball where you strike out after three mistakes.
The continuity of love is dependent on the practice and development of the characteristic of forgiveness. Love cannot thrive in an unforgiving environment.
Love births certain fruits – patience, kindness, gentleness, self control, concern for others – compassion, selflessness.
True love is a selfless act which spawns from the developed trait of love. This requires sacrificing ones right often times, so peace can reign. Love is often a matter of exercising mercy rather than seeking justice. So we therefore cannot ‘fall in love’. That phrase is a misleading fallacy. Love grows. It’s not magic. It cannot be manufactured. It first must be sown and grown. We grow in love. Love should not be equated to strong feelings of attraction. Attraction is based in feelings and these change as the clouds do. True pure, authentic Love does not change. One cannot truly love someone and then turn around, hating them over night. The feelings of attraction can change. Because how you feel when you just get out of bed is different than after taking a shower. How attractive persons are to each other when things are going good is entirely different when things are not going so well. The fluctuations of attraction are not equivalent or remotely related to the characteristics of love. Love is developed as a characteristic traits and not a mere feeling of emotion.
Knowing love and feeling love are twins. Both are to be understood in order for relationships to last. Because you won’t always feel loved and in those moments you must remind yourself of the knowledge of love. It is impossible to always keep the excitement of love felt in every moment. When feelings fades keep the motion of your relationship going by the established knowledge of love until the feelings return. Emotions flow like an analog wave pattern. Fluctuating up and down based on the influence of external and internal influences. The mature heart will rest in the comfort of the minds knowledge and experience of love in the down moments. Alternatively the mind will be ignited by the sparks from the feelings of love in the happy moments. Both should be used to support the survival of love in our relationships
True love can only be experienced in God. For God is the essence, character, embodiment and source of origin of love. Love in itself is the essence of who and what God is and He is infinite. It is through Him that we can be empowered to grow the characteristic of love. It is through Him that we can experience the inevitable pains of life, the constant disappointments from others and not become bitter. It is through Him that we can continuously forgive others, to show mercy and keep our hearts open. It is only through him we can love our enemies and do good to those who hate us. It is through Him we can hold our relationships together and weather the inevitable storms. It is through Him we can exercise the courage to love continuously. Courage is needed to fully express love. To love is to risk not being loved in return. Yes…to love is to risk. Because there are no guarantees. It takes courage to risk your heart, to become vulnerable in exposing your feelings for another. But I dare say the expression of your vulnerability is more an act of strength and not weakness. Our hearts are not limited and neither are our minds. We can continue to love as much as life awards us with opportunities. Our problem lies within the length of time we often take to get over a failed relationship or broken trust and letting go of the hurt while getting past the stigmas attached.
The capacity to love is often limited by our capacity to think clearly on the subject. Our limitations on love are self imposed based upon the pain and hurt we have previously encountered in this area. Most of us has acquired our idea and imabe of love from our environment via our closest relationships – family. However the family treated us and its members became the model we replicate or look for.
“My friend Love is a journey, not a destination. Peace and contentment come to those of us who go on a journey of Love. When we allow ourselves to Love, we experience contentment, deep contentment, deep satisfaction and feelings of joy in every cell of our being. Love is the sharing of joy. We have to discover Love inside of ourselves before we can share it. To live love and to know love is very easy, but to find the words to define, express and explain love is difficult. We use the word Love very often but we don’t know the real meaning of the word!!! Love is the most misused word known to man. Love is not another way,it is the only way.!!” – Sheila Anderson.
The union of marriage is a great environment for love to truly blossom. The marital commitment challenges the couple to stick by each other for better or worse, in sickness and in health, till death. Only true love can sustain such commitments with God’s leading and guidance.
So when you decide to use the word love, ask yourself what exactly are you trying to communicate – Philio, Stergo, Eros or Agape. It is my belief that love is a powerful force that conquers all. It cannot disappear over night when it’s true nature and essence has been tapped into. Love is eternal. When true love exists problems are only temporary inconveniences that will be handled and superseded. Problems don’t make love disappear or irrelevant, instead it fortifies and reaffirms it.
“There is no difficulty that enough love will not conquer. No disease that enough love will not heal. No door that enough love will not open. No gulf that enough love will not bridge. No wall that enough love will not throw down. No sin that enough love will not redeem. It makes no difference how deeply seated may be the trouble. How hopeless the outlook. How muddled the tangle. How great the mistake. A sufficient realisation of love will dissolve it all.If only one could love enough you would be the happiest and most powerful being in the world”
Emmett Fox
RCWEALTH 